Charge: No Insurance
10-11-08 Okay, my Bexar County Jail 03 story on my site is way too long. Therefore, here's what I've shortened it down to, when I tell it. Here's the streamlined version. There will be a link to the original one at the bottom.
Bexar County Jail '03
See, the day before I had taken off in the UHaul I had taken it this thrift
store in San Antonio. Texas Thrift Store on Fredericksburg and Gardina.
The manager there Olivia knew about all my ideas and was always hooking me up
with stuff. It's not like they paid for any of it. They're selling
donations. Thrift stores are evil, if you ask me.
Anyway, that day she was giving me an old antique couch. Since I had my
UHaul I drove it to the thrift store to pick it up. As I was loading the
couch into the UHaul I notice this black lady looking at mattresses. I
walk by and tell her, "Be sure you pick out a firm one. They're used."
I ask her how she planned on getting it home, did she live closeby? She
told me she only lived a block away. Since I had the UHaul I offered to
help her out.
As I was following her into her apartment complex I take a left hand turn and do
you know the Mom' s Attic part of the UHaul, the space right over the cab?
Well, I ran the Mom's Attic into the parking lot covering. I punched a big
foot in diameter whole in the Mom's Attic(which I later used for ventilation
when I slept in it). I got unstuck and continued to deliver the mattress.
I helped the lady up the stairs with it and everything. As I'm coming up
to the entrance of the apartments all these people run in front of the UHaul
yelling, "Stop, stop, you gotta handle this!" Hell, I was on my way to.
I was going to volunteer labor or something. It'd be a project
Well, they ended up calling the cops. When the cop got there he asked me
if I had any insurance on the UHaul. Me thinking the whole time when you
rent UHauls that they're supposed to make you get insurance. When I
had gone they just handed me the keys and were closing up. I told the cop,
"No, I didn't get any insurance on the UHaul. Bam, he gives me a ticket
for no-insurance. On a fucking UHaul! I was off trying to save the
world so I totally ignored that ticket. When I get back to San Antonio
eventually there is a warrant out for my arrest.
One night afterwards I was getting my exercise and walking through all the Medical Center bars collecting Marlboro Miles. What I would do is go up to anybody smoking Marlboro cigarettes and ask them, "Do you collect Marlboro Miles? Mind if I take them off your pack? I won't even touch the cigarettes." Free shit. I had tons of them. I never got the catalog or anything. It was just a good excuse to walk and talk to people. That night I had gotten hooked up with a whole pizza at the Domino's on Prue and Babcock, by Jessica Jewel. I ate like half of it there and walked the mile down Prue Road to Frederickburg Road, over by West Telemarketing. A police substation is right there also, which is kind of ironic. So many drugs move through West Telemarketing. Anyway, I was carrying a whole half a pizza and wasn't hungry, so I thought maybe I'll go feed the pigs. I dropped the pizza off at the police station. That night I ended up crashing on my ex-girlfriend Chasity's front porch, she kept a warm blanket up there for me. The next morning I'm walking up Fredericksburg Road and in the Sonic parking lot I see a cop car. I think to myself, "Hmm, I'm going to go see if he got any of that pizza last night." Stupid me. I walked up to the cop and asked him about the pizza. He didn't know what I was talking about. Then I jump in with my stories and ideas, I left out the marijuana part. He thinks I'm crazy and runs my ID. Bam, that warrant. I had forgotten all about that.
Bexar County Jail, downtown San Antonio. First they take you to the
detention center to process you through to County Jail. All the mass-cells
with the police desks in the middle. At this place I got the idea, "I'm
going to try and call the press. Try to get my story out and get out of
jail." Stupid me. They have phones in the cells that you can only
call collect from. I asked the guards to give me a number to the press and
they gave me the number to the police desk in the middle which would transfer me
out. I called it and asked for the press and was told they would try and
put it through, but it would never work. Like two or three times I tried
and nothing.
Hmm, I'm going to stir up some
attention. What I did was kept calling that same number and when they
would answer I would say, "It didn't work, bitch. Try it again."
They would hang up on me quick. I just kept calling back though, "Listen
motherfuckers, make it work!" Hung up on again. I was calling them
up and saying, "Fuck the police! Haha, you have to pick up every one of
these to make sure it's not a real call!" Hehe, my plan worked.
Attention please, hehe. They sent these two turtles(jailhouse guards) over
to the mass cell I was in. They took me out, told me to put my hands
behind my back and handcuffed me. I told them, "This is uncomfortable.
Why can't I have my arms in front of me?" They told me tough shit and then
moved me into this little holding cell. Like a little cage where you only
have enough room to stand up or sit down on the floor, right in front of all the
police desks. Teehee, I had an audience. I was standing there
thinking man, I want my arms in front of me. Then I realized oh yeah, I
can bend down and step through my arms and have them in front of me. I did
and I yelled to the cops, "Haha, got my way!" They came over and
handcuffed my arms behind me again. I just kept stepping through, "Haha,
suckers." Like two or three times.
Well, the next time they got they
got slick. They put my arms behind my back and cuffed them, but this time
they hooked my back belt loop too and put me back in my cage. See, I
had gone swimming the night before in my exgirlfriend's apartment pool, I wasn't
wearing any boxers. They had taken my belt so my pants were all loose.
Screw it, I want my arms in front of me. I just took my pants off.
Haha, there I was exposing myself in the detention center! I started
making a ruckus and the tried real hard to ignore me at first. Anytime
anyone would walk in front of me I would yell, "Look at my penis!" I
started rapping all loud, FUCK THE POLICE! There was a sheet of Plexiglas
right in front of my face so I would bang my head on it hard(which didn't hurt
because of my scar). Anytime a cop would look I would yell, "Haha, made
you look! One cop even said, "Just ignore him. He's using Pavlov's
law of attention." I laughed and told him, :"Pavlov was a veterinarian!"
I swear I put this show on for like half an hour. I take the fun with me
everywhere I go.
They eventually came over, made me put my pants back on and took me out of the
cell. They handcuffed my arms behind my back again, hooked it to my back
belt loop, but this time they thought they got really slick. They put some
leg shackles on me, thinking it would be impossible for me to pull through
again.. Then they moved me to a different cell of the same type, another cage,
but it was in a hallway, where no one could see me. Ah-ha, privacy.
As they are putting me into the cell I tell them, "I will have my arms in front
of me again, just watch." They told me, "That's impossible. You
can't get through those shackles." Mark my words, I told them. I was
just talking shit. After they left me alone I stood there thinking.
To sit down on the floor I had to bring my pants down because everything was
connected. I was just sitting there with my arms under my legs, hmm, how
am I gonna do this? I realized that if I could somehow get through the
belt loop I could break free and step through my arms again. I yanked on
it real hard but the cuffs hurt my wrists. Hmm, how am I to do this?
Then I noticed that on those leg shackles they put on me it had notches like any
other cuff. Hmm, I started rubbing the belt loop on the notches. It
started to fray up a little and I would bite at it. It took me like a
whole twenty minutes or so but I finally got through the belt loop and pulled
through again! I felt like Houdini. I stood up and yelled basking in
my accomplishment.
By that time they hooked me up to the chain gang and put me in the paddy wagon
to take me to county jail. Bexar County Jail, sixth floor, OCQ.
Dude, I was made a trustee the very first day I was there. I would help
them serve the lunch trays and I could get four or five extra trays for myself.
I was never hungry. I was busy telling my stories to the other
inmates too. They were calling me San Antonio. Oh, and I didn't have
a cellmate either. I had another apartment. To kill time I would
pace around my pod, my concrete cave. Every time I came by the front door
I would yell what number I was on, "One! Two! Three!" Great
way to kill time in jail. On the third day I got way over a thousand.
They asked me if I wanted to work. "Give me a project," I told them.
They told me to sweep up the whole podroom, upstairs and downstairs. They
handed me a big push broom. I asked them if they had a small broom, that I
could do it better with a small one. They insisted I use the big one and I
said forget it then. They gave me the small broom and I swept the hell out
of that cellblock. I was going down each individual step. I hear
them say stuff like, "This guy does some detailed work."
On the third day I planned my escape. I went up to the guard and I told
him, "I've been in jail all weekend long on a bullshit no-insurance warrant on a
UHaul that I rented and ALL UHauls have insurance on them. I
just want you to know that every day longer I stay in jail will just be extra
fuel for my lawsuit against the city, and I guarantee that you will be
the first motherfucker to lose his job." Ten minutes later I was
downstairs being discharged. I walked all the way from Bexar County Jail
to North Star Mall that night.
It was around 2am when I walked out of jail. I figured I would walk all
the way to Medical Center. I walked by the Taco Cabana on Broadway
and walked over to it. I was going to try my luck and score some gasoline
for my stomach. Even though it was so late, it was kind of busy because it
was downtown. I got in line and some guy gets in line behind me. I
turn around and tell him, "Watch me get my shit for free." He says, "Oh,
you're not going to pay a dime? Let's see." When it was my turn I
ask the Mexican lady if I could get some gasoline for my stomach for my long
walk to Medical Center. She tells me, "I can't give you anything for
free...but I can pay for it for you. Go sit down and I'll bring you out
some tacos." The guy hadn't heard her say that so when he sees me walking
off he says, "Ha, better luck next time." I turn around and tell him, "I
just got my luck right now." He turns around and looks at the cashier,
"What? You're not going to charge him?! He looks like Bin Laden!
You're going to feed a terrorist! I don't want to pay either!" The
lady told the guy, "Mind your own business," and took his order and his money.
While I was eating this guy came over and shook my hand. From there I
walked all the way to North Star Mall and met my exgirlfriend as she was going
into work, talked her into calling in and rode the bus to her apartment, jumped
in the shower and went to sleep.
So that's my Bexar County Jail 03 story condensed. Before it was more of a elongated journal entry with stupid minute details that didn't need to be there.
There's a Bexar County Jail 04 story too. It's a tradition.
- Victor Antonio